Fertility Update

To say the last few months have been emotional and rough would be the understatement of the century.
I have a lot of updates in regards to our process to make and they are not easy to say.

We actually found out in November that we were finally expecting our sweet baby #2.  After 27 months of prayer, shots, "menopause", a biopsy, surgery, birth control (I know that sounds pretty weird when you're actually trying to get pregnant) and getting several non helpful diagnosis regarding my fertility issues we FINALLY got a positive test!!!

Sadly, we found out in December that our little Norman wasn't growing and I had to have a D&C 4 days before Christmas.
I posted this link to give you all the details.  I actually started that blog post the day we found out we were expecting and kept up with it weekly so I wouldn't forget anything.  I never want to forget.

After the D&C they ran some pathology to make sure everything was okay, including some genetic testing.  

When I went in for my post-op I expected to get my prescription for birth control and be on my way until my HCG levels were back down to normal.  I got my prescription, but they also told me my pathology came back "abnormal."
They said everything could be fine but "worse case scenario" was it could be a molar pregnancy which have a possibility of turning into choriocarcinoma.  In which case I would have had to go on bc for no less than 6 months and possibly chemo after that and wouldn't be able to start trying again for another year.

They said right now there was no way to tell if it was molar until the rest of my pathology (the genetic testing) came back.  Genetic testing usually takes roughly 6 weeks, meaning at this point I still had 4 more weeks of waiting.  Until then they were just going to do weekly blood draws to watch my HCG levels.

With every bad diagnosis I've had in this office I have yet to cry in front of my doctor... until that day.  I was devastated.  Andrew and I had honestly thought, up to that point, it couldn't get any worse.

WOW!!  Not AT ALL what I was expecting to hear.  I went home that day pretty much convinced I had cancer.  

The next day my nurse practitioner called with my HCG levels which had dropped significantly, which is good in regards to molar pregnancies.  She also said she checked in with the pathologists in regards to my genetic tests.  The pathologist had already scene that my original pathology read abnormal, so she put a rush on the genetic testing and the results showed it was not molar.  PRAISE THE LORD!!!

It may sound cruel that they gave me such bad news to go home with the day before.  Honestly though, I would have much rather have gotten the worst case scenario first and then heard good news than the other way around.

As of right now I am on birth control and having weekly blood drawn until my HCG levels are back down to a normal level and then I pretty much start the whole process over that we had done in the fall.

February- Endometrial Biopsy

March- Clomid (I never actually started the clomid in the fall)

In the mean time my emotions are all over the place.  All it takes is a funny look and I'm in full blown ugly cry and every July due date sends me into full depression for atleast 5 minutes.  I know this will pass and God is currently finding a way to use this for His glory.

Ephesians 1:11-12 (MSG)

It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for.  Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eyes on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.

I've read several forums (probably too many) on how long it took people to get pregnant after a miscarriage.  Some said it was really soon and some said years.  I'm obviously very hopeful that we'll be in the "really soon" category, considering we're kinda already in the "years" one, but we know we are not in control.

Matthew 19:26 (NIV)

Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

*AMEN*

Thanks for checkin' in!!

Our Little Bean {The First 10 Weeks}

Before I start I need to say thank you to everyone who has been praying with us and for us since I started posting in the last year about our struggles.  Andrew and I are so blessed to be able to tell everyone.  This has been a hard secret to keep, but secret no more.....

I'M PREGNANT!!!!!

***

Monday, November 12th

I found out about you this afternoon.
Your big sister and I went to playgroup and did some Christmas shopping this morning, then headed home.  When we got home she gave me a big hug and I noticed I was kinda sore.  I didn't think anything of it at first, then...  I grabbed Hadley and we headed straight to the drugstore.  When I got home I got this...

 and then this...

You can't be too sure.

I just kept staring, it says "Pregnant" not "Not Pregnant" JUST "PREGNANT!!!!"  Once I processed it my eyes filled up with tears and I completely lost it.  I gathered myself enough to call the doctor and they told me to come in the tomorrow morning for bloodwork!!

I only had a couple hours before your daddy got home, so your big sister and I got back in the car and went to Carter's to find the perfect shirt to help tell him.

He wasn't supposed to get off till later but on our way home (in the midst of traffic) he called to say he too was on his way home.  I kinda freaked out and sent him to the grocery store for a bunch of random stuff so I could be sure we'd get there first.

I made Hadley change in the car, which is pretty hard/comical to do in a car seat, while staying buckled.  We got home just in time and this is what happened.

Sorry I'm having issues with the videos.

I had planned on saying something like, "We're having a baby." But I was kind of a mess behind the camera and it would have come out more like, "Waa habeee uh baaaaabeeee!" So, you can't see your sister's shirt and I don't say anything so without a prologue you wouldn't know this had anything to do with having a baby.

Best part of the video, your daddy's face!

Your sister is really excited but she has no idea why.  I just told her we were surprising daddy.  She still doesn't know about you. (She's not the best at secrets.)

Your daddy and I just kept asking each other, "Is this real? Is this really happening?"

We can't wait till July 17th!

Tuesday, November 13th

I went in, after dropping your sister off, to get my blood drawn to see what my levels looked like.

They said I'll know for sure tomorrow!  Man, tomorrow sounds like forever from now.

Wednesday, November 14th

(My Birthday!)
I got the confirmation phone call today.  You're really in my belly!!!  They said my progesterone is good and my HCG levels are around 125, which is where they should be at this point.  I go back in on Monday so they can run it again to make sure my levels are increasing at the rate they should be. If they are they'll set up an appointment for your first official picture.

You're by far the best birthday present EVER!!!!

Wednesday, November 21st
I had another round of blood work on Monday and got the results yesterday.  I'm still "very pregnant," my HCG levels are at 2,200!!  (Apparently your levels are supposed to double every other day. According to this theory my levels should have been around 1000, hmm.... I'm eager for an ultrasound.)
Speaking of which, your first "picture" is set up for December 4th!!
This past weekend we were in Dallas for our cousin Beth's wedding.  It was great trip and so much fun.  It was so hard for me not to say anything.  There was family everywhere and I'm just so down-right excited.
Fun story about you and Beth. Around January we agreed to join each other in prayer.  Beth to join us in praying for you and us to join in praying for her future husband.  Guess what?!  Now we have both!! God is good!!!

Tomorrow's Thanksgiving and I have SO much to be thankful for, but since we're waiting till Christmas to make your big reveal it will just be me and daddy getting gitty about your arrival this summer.
Your family has been praying for months (27 to be exact) for you to make your way here.  I know they're all going to be so excited when they find out you're really coming!!

Sunday, November 25th
(6w 4d)
One of mommy's friends, Miss Jessica, took our family pictures today.  We've had these planned for a while, but since we found out you're coming we decided to take a few special pictures just for you. (To help make the big announcement at Christmas.)  
When we got to the park for pictures your sister was wearing a "Big Sis Hadley" t-shirt.  So far Miss Jessica has had one of the best reactions.

Sorry I'm having issues getting the videos to work.

(I'm not sharing them all.  Some need to remain a surprise.)

Miss Ashley made your big sister's shirt.  We'll get you one too...once we know if you're a boy or girl. =)
It's crazy how much I already love you Little Bean.

Wednesday, November 28th

(Sorry for the poor quality, all of my pictures have been taken on my phone.)

December 4, 2012
(7w 6d)
Today has been a crazy day.  I had a lunch date with friends this afternoon, I'm supposed to go up to the school to set-up and serve meals for the students, then be home in time to host the Cookie/Gift exchange, AHHH!!!
On top of the other I had an appointment today after picking up your big sister, it's picture day.  Today's appointment didn't go exactly as we had planned.  We thought we would walk away with a sweet little black and white picture of our little jelly bean but my sac was empty.
According to my LMP I should be 7w6d, but when Dr. Bundren measured your sac it only measured 5w6d.  He doesn't have the best poker face and the face he made didn't look very optimistic. He said several times he just didn't know if this was going to turn out to be a "normal pregnancy."  He also said he's been fooled before and if infact I am only 5w6d, you would not be big enough to see in the ultrasound just yet.
I'm hopeful that I'm just not as far along, but they set up an appointment for a week from today, December 11th, for another ultrasound.  Your daddy and I are praying that everything will turn out fine, but we know it's in God's hands.

December 11, 2012
(8w 6d)
Today we had our second ultrasound and it showed a growing sac, but still it was empty.  I went into this appointment with a lot of peace.  I thought going into it, that it was because we were going to see you but I know now it was God preparing me for the weeks ahead.
When he told me again it didn't look viable and we would need to set up the D&C for next week I knew this was it.  They set-up another ultrasound for the next week, December 18th, but I knew the peace I had was to help me let go.

December 18, 2012
(9w 6d)
Your daddy was able to be off for this appointment, hooray.  We prayed so hard for this appointment.  I specifically prayed for two things whether it was a miracle or closure, I just needed one.
He started the ultrasound and unlike any other week he never turned the screen toward me.  The sac was still empty, this week there was also no growth instead it had started to break down.  There it was.  Not my miracle, my closure.

I think telling people I wasn't pregnant anymore was the hardest thing, especially since they didn't know I was to begin with.  We told our family after the 2nd ultrasound that we had found out last month we were expecting but things didn't progress and I was having surgery 4 days before Christmas. (It was supposed to be the best Christmas surprise ever.)  The brief excitement on everyones face or in their voice when we said, "We were expecting" also made telling them that much harder.
I told Andrew at least the good news is next time we already have the shirt and the pictures taken. =/

December 21, 2012
(10w 2d)
4 days before Christmas and we're saying goodbye to what we thought was our Christmas miracle.  To be honest although you aren't here, you are still our miracle.  Because of you we know we can get pregnant again and all is not lost.
You came at the perfect time when I was starting to think it would never happen again.  I wish more than anything that I wasn't having to say goodbye, but the brief moment we had you, you were loved and we were BEYOND excited!!

The procedure went well, infact my body started to react on its own last night.  Dr. Bundren said it looked like you just never made it past the first few weeks, but nothing abnormal.

****

December 29, 2012
I'm coming back to write this as it has been hard to look at this post after the last few weeks of events.   We were able to spend time with family over this Christmas season which has been a blessing during this time.  It has helped to keep my mind off of all the madness.
For some crazy reason I have been able to keep myself together through most of this.  I know that God is keeping His hand over me because I know without Him I would be a basket case.  I've had my good days and what I call my messy days, but so far my good days have out weighed the messy.  I told Andrew recently I feel like God is definitely protected my heart because if I let this break me down I think I would be completely broken.  I know God is good and He will get us through.

Job 1:21- "... The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised." NIV

Thanks for checkin' in!!

Busy Weekend and OKC

Lately I've been enjoying alot of my herbal/fertility tea.  With a bit of honey, this is my new addiction.

Hadley is always a busy bee and keeps me on my toes.  She always picks the perfect times (while I'm getting dressed, doing make-up, in the shower) to help her with things.  The other day I discovered a wonderful thing.  Find an enjoyable book with lots of pictures and she'll sit there for at least 15-20 minutes.  *Golden*

We had a fundraiser for our SAA group over the weekend.  The AOOA had set us up with a wine pull.  What's that?

Well essentially we go around getting donations of wine and then sell the bottles at a big event for a flat price and thus it becomes a fundraiser.  

To help spice the fundraiser up my VPs came up with an idea to make a few bags to sell in addition so we got together and were pretty successful.

TA*DA

We were up till after midnight but got them all done!!

The next day was pretty eventful.

We had a fun tri-family lunch date at the park.

I picked up a large donation and then proceeded to fall down the driveway and skin my knee.  Maybe this is my punishment for pushing large quantities of wine. ;)

I also picked up our sign, made by one of our very graphic design savvy members. Thanks Brittany!

When Andrew got home we ate roast with veggies and played a game of Princess Yahtzee before Hads had to go to bed.

Then, I watched my husband bag up and tie 52 square knots, ha.  I actually helped a little.  I can't lie though, he did most of it.

The next morning was the CME conference, which is where we did the fundraiser and had a little jewelry party hosted by the AOOA.

*Our Hosts*

Some of my SAA ladies showing off our hard work.  This was actually a jewelry party where you make the jewelry.

 Maning our station at the conference.

We ended up raising around $1000!!!  Apparently wine is a popular thing at doctor's conferences, ha.

Afterwards our adopted mentor's, which happens to be AOOA President Walli Daniel and her awesome husband, took us to dinner at Molly's Landing.  Dinner was delicious and we had a blast.

Thanks Robins Family for watching the Hads!!!

We had a late night, but managed to make it to early service to work the nursery.  Hadley loves being in there and she really is a great helper.

Andrew was popular with the Dora book.

After church we grabbed a bite to eat and headed to OKC for the night as Andrew had Monday off.  We saw a movie and had dinner in Bricktown and then headed back to the hotel for some swimming.

Hadley enjoyed throwing some loose change in the fountain in Bricktown.  I love this little girl!

Yummy ice cream for dessert!

When we got back to the hotel we checked in and then headed directly to the pool!

These two had a blast swimming.

The next morning we headed to IHOP and then off to the Oklahoma Science Museum.

Hadley took a ride in a space shuttle.

And we enjoyed several other cool things.

Andrew only has one week left in this rotation so we're going to try to take advantage of his awesome schedule while we can.

Thanks for checkin' in!!

The Norman Crew Post-Christmas

The last couple weeks we've been slowly getting back into the swing of things with Andrew started back to work and Hadley starting back to school.  

Crazy kid chillin' at home.

 I've been spoiled with flowers the last few days.  Surprisingly neither are from my husband, just good friends and our new house guest Lindsay! 

Thanks Wilson Family!

Thanks Lindsay!

Hadley found a comfy spot on a lazy morning.  =)

Out little fam before heading to downtown for lunch with friends and ice skating!!

Lunch at Andolini's with the Brookmans.

*Skating Time*

We would have been there forever except they had to come clean off the ice.  Otherwise I don't know that Hadley would have agreed.

After breakfast one morning  Hadley pulled out all her Lalaloopsies, old and new.  I think she's set.

The girl came to clean our house, so while she did her stuff we went to dance. Hadley was so excited to finally go back.  I, however, am obviously not fully back into the swing of things as I forgot her dance bag.  She had to wear her cheetah shoes for both ballet and tap, oops. =/

Later we took our houseguest Lindsay to experience Tally's.  She's officially a fan and Hadley, officially, has a new best friend.  =)

Incase you were curious the deep cleaning that Andrew got me for Christmas was AMAZING.  The girl literally cleaned EVERYTHING!!! If you live in the Tulsa area I would highly recommend Clean Freaks.

I finally got together with my girls for our belated Christmas dinner.  Yeah, we shut the place down.

We had a pretty fun family day Friday.  Andrew came home for lunch and we had a pretty delicious salad.

He got off at 3 and played with Hadley for a while. Love it!!

Then, we had a family zoo date!!

The tortoise was laying eggs while we were there.  She laid twice last year (15-30 eggs), but didn't have any hatchlings.  Maybe 2013 has some babies in store for both of us.

The lions were out today.

Koa decided to be vocal.

Hadley was eager to see the penguins and seals while we were there.  The seals were doing some sunbathing.

After dinner at El Guapos we headed home for a quick game of Monopoly before bed.

I'm blue and this is the first time either one of us have beat Hadley since we got this game.  Is it bad that I was really excited?

I tried to get a picture with my girly, but she was determined to only make silly faces.

Over the weekend my sweet friend, Brittany, brought me a ttc care package.  Complete with fertility tea, bulk pack of ovulation/pregnancy test, special momma lotions and oils and lots of other goodies. Each was complete with a fun hand written note.

This week has been nice.  Just staying caught up on laundry and dishes has been the extent of my cleaning with the girl having just come last week.  Sadly, our house guest, Lindsay, had to make an early departure as her rotation switched just one week in.  We will miss her company, especially Hadley.

Lately, we've just been enjoying each others time.

Thanks for checkin' in!!